C is for Celery?

Considering that I used to work in children's television, I'm shocked that I somehow missed this groundbreaking news:

Sesame Street officials on Thursday finally made the ravenous iconic muppet available for interviews. This was two weeks after announcing Cookie would be cutting back on his namesake snack as the popular children's TV show stresses healthy lifestyles this season.

Nearly everyone wanted to know the monster's reaction to this major revamping of his role. People wondered how Cookie would adapt to emphasizing that cookies should only be eaten on occasion after a generation of trumpeting their merits by shouting, "AGGGHHHHH! ME LOVE COOKIES!"

After initially saying Cookie would have no comment on the drastic change, Sesame Street officials decided to have him face the media after the controversy refused to subside.

But Cookie did not appear at all reluctant to talk as he spoke to reporters while sitting in a monogrammed bathrobe and sipping a glass of white wine. He started by saying he was not, to put it in terms his adoring fans likely would use, about to wee-wee on the kiwi.

"They come to Cookie and say, 'You do healthy?'" he recalled. "Me say, 'Ha! Me once do Willy Loman off-Broadway in "Death of Salesman.'" Me actor. Of course me do healthy."

This is not to say the furry blue monster, who honed his craft in the late '60s under the acclaimed acting teacher Lee Strasberg, is without reservations about his character's direction.

"Me have to have it make sense to viewer," he said. "Cookie eat cookies for years. Why Cookie now eat celery?"

He confirmed an on-set blowup with Sesame Street producers over a scene in which Hoots the Owl sings "A Cookie is a Sometimes Food." The song advocates eating fewer cookies and eating more fruit.

I dunno. This past weekend I saw my adorable nephew Dylan, age 2 - and I bore witness to the sheer delight on his face when my father (better known as "Pop-pop" by the young lad) brought him an oatmeal cookie from Starbucks. I just can't imagine the same amount of glee for a rutabaga. Know what I mean?

Comments

[Dr. Biggles]

Sigh. The rumor I heard was whomever was considering Acing Cookie altogether. Dimwits, if you're going to ace anyone, torch Elmo. It's far easier to keep a child's diet in check than it is getting them to speak correctly. Simply don't have cookies in the house. It isn't that easy with baby talk. Grrrrr. When I saw Elmo slothing along with his baggy pants, hat all askew, rapping and finishing up with BOYYYYEEEEE ... I just about came unglued. If they want to be thugs when they grow up, fine. But they don't need to drop an attitude at 3 years old. Zachary was doing that by 2nd Grade and "whatever" came out of his mouth at nearly every interraction. That was his last year, he's now being home schooled. Oddly enough that behavior is gone, he's scoring excellent on state tests, learning the guitar, recorder and Latin. All is fine, even though ol' Cookie will be cut back. Besides, what's wrong with eating cookies for dinner?

Biggles