It's Passover. I should be thinking about all things unleavened. Instead I am thinking about croissant. Yes, puffy, flaky, buttery croissant.
But, there is a new trend that is turning the classic croissant into a fad-riffic Instagram star -- I call it croiss-insanity. Bakeries across the country are contorting croissant dough around a never-ending merry-go-round of unorthodox ingredients. Think purple yam, cod roe, black garlic, white miso, chamomile tea, and pineapple jelly. The New York Times calls them "frankenpastries."
I have tried to be open-minded.
The croiss-insanity pictured above is called an "everything croissant" and was purchased at my local Joe's Coffee. It was so very wrong. It didn't taste bad, mind you. It just wasn't a croissant. It wasn't an everything bagel. And, in the end, it wasn't enough of either to be anything I wanted to eat.
I ventured to Supermoon Bakery on the Lower East Side, where they have a croissant described as: "dual core croissant with matcha creme patissiere and lemon curd, topped with white chocolate shards." Don't get me started on the "cruffins." Each croiss-insanity was spotlighted in a precise, highly photogenic line on the counter, like a parade of overeager models strutting down the catwalk for the paparazzi. And, oh the paparazzi arrived. They descended in the form of foreign tourists. They thrust their cell phones in front of each other to snap the odd colorful frankenpastries, grabbing at a bit of social media foodie glory.
I think it is time for me to close my mind now - snap it shut tight.
Give me a perfect plain croissant with a bit of raspberry jam and I will be more than content. A chocolate croissant also has a place in my heart (and stomach). And, an almond croissant, when made expertly, is a thing of beauty as well.
I have no need for this newfangled breed of pastry. You can keep my "everything" on a bagel, thank you very much.